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It's not unusual to find oneself grappling with a diminished sexual desire after the end of a long-term relationship. Feeling disconnected from sexual intimacy during this emotionally turbulent time is a common experience, and it's crucial to acknowledge that there's no rush or set timeline for the resurgence of these desires.
Understanding the psychological impact of a significant breakup is the first step toward reclaiming your sexual desire. Stress and anxiety are prevalent feelings post-breakup, and research from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 2015 highlights a correlation between stress and a decline in sexual desire and various other aspects of sexual function.
Moreover, the International Journal of Impotence Research has reported that such emotional turmoil can lead to secondary erectile dysfunction in men. The profound intimacy of sexual relationships can sometimes amplify the fear of vulnerability and the potential pain of future loss, thus impeding the desire to become sexually active with someone new.
Similar to widower’s syndrome, where the bereaved struggle with enjoying life post-loss, a tough breakup can trigger feelings of guilt and even performance anxiety when thinking about engaging in sexual activities with a new partner.
Here are strategies to assist in regaining your sexual desire:
Allowing yourself the time and space to grieve is vital in overcoming the loss of a relationship. Suppressing emotions can exacerbate stress and anxiety. Reflecting on the relationship can lead to personal insights that may strengthen future relationships and identify areas for personal growth.
Partaking in enjoyable daily activities such as movies, concerts, or dance can promote happiness, which, according to a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, can alleviate sexual issues and enhance satisfaction, thus preparing you for future sexual intimacy.
Connecting with empathetic individuals can provide comfort, diversion from negative emotions, and a non-judgmental space to express yourself, potentially facilitating the healing process.
During this transitionary period, it's advisable to reduce other stress-inducing factors in your life, such as excessive work or major financial decisions, to allow yourself moments of happiness and adjustment.
As you begin to rediscover pleasure in various aspects of life, your sexual desire is likely to follow suit. It's important to actively seek ways to counteract the negative emotions associated with a breakup to reawaken your innate sexual nature and embrace the next chapter in your life with openness and joy.
Takeesha Roland-Jenkins, MS, is a seasoned consultant at the Between Us Clinic, specializing in online sex-therapy programs for premature ejaculation. With dual master's degrees in psychology and neurology and a background in counseling, her expertise brings valuable insights into the complexities of sexual health.
Sources:
Abedi P, Afrazeh M, Javadifar N, Saki A. The relation between stress and sexual function and satisfaction in reproductive-age women in Iran: a cross-sectional study. J Sex Marital Ther. 2015;41(4):384-90.