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Between the demands of marriage, parenthood, and work, the allure of an uneventful evening can often eclipse the desire for physical closeness. Tending to the needs of others can lead to a sense of dispossession over one's own body, yet as a sexual health expert, I'm acutely aware that intimacy has a compounding effect that strengthens bonds, particularly in long-term relationships.
The common conflation of intimacy with sexual activity can create tension when the latter is absent. JoEllen Notte, author and expert on the subject, illuminates the problematic nature of this association. The avoidance of all intimate gestures due to fear of sexual expectations, or a sense of rejection stemming from a partner's lack of sexual interest, can sow discord and resentment—poisons to any relationship.
However, the spectrum of intimacy extends beyond the bedroom. Nonsexual intimacy can preserve the emotional fabric of a partnership even through a sexual lull. It reassures both partners that their connection remains intact, irrespective of sexual activity.
Nonsexual intimacy requires creativity and intention. Diane Gleim, a seasoned therapist, advises couples to seek shared moments and fully engage during these times. Simple plans can generate positive anticipation, echoing the early days of courtship. She emphasizes the importance of mental presence, which can be achieved by completing pending tasks beforehand and minimizing digital distractions.
Creating an environment conducive to connection is key. Music can set a relaxed tone, while the conscious decision to abstain from creating a stereotypically romantic setting can alleviate performance pressure. Nonsexual touch, such as hand-holding, embracing, or massage, is also crucial. Not only does it convey affection without expectation, but it also maintains the comfort of physical closeness, which can be beneficial for resuming sexual intimacy in the future.
With time, the dynamics of intimacy naturally evolve. What once involved prolonged bed stays and casual affection may mature into shared experiences and mutual support. According to Gleim, though the approach to intimacy adapts over time, the ultimate objective of fostering a heartfelt connection remains unchanged.